A lady goes to a doctor and says that she's in pain because she got hit by a golf ball.
The doctor asks her where she got hit.
She says it was between the first and second hole.
Doctor says "well it doesn't give me much room to work on, does it?"
Elle of a shot
Elle Mc Pherson has taken up golf and has been trying to break 100 but can't. She's had 100, 101,102 but still can't crack the ton. One day she turns up at her local course and asks three guys teeing off if she can join in. These guys are wrapped and agree immediately. She tells them of her desire to break 100 and one of the guys says, "Well, we are three handy players and we'll give you a few tips on the way around and see what happens."
After 17 holes, Elle is at 95 and only a short par 4 lies between her and her dream. After 3 shots she lies only 12 inches from the cup. Elle turns to the 3 guys and says, "OK, I only need this putt to break 100 and you guys have been giving me great tips all day. The guy who gives me the best tip and helps me get this putt, I will make wild passionate love to them right here, right now! This will not be any average roll in the hay, this will be earth shattering, mind blowing knee trembling oh my god unbelievable love making session ever. You will be telling your children about this and they in turn will tell their's and their grandchildren will still be telling their grandchildren long after you have gone!"
These 3 guys get a little nervy as the prize on offer is awesome and Elle turns to the first guy and asks, "What's your tip?" He replies, "It's a little left to right breaker, just aim at that leaf and let the ball die into the cup."
"OK," Elle says and turns to the second guy and asks, "What's your tip?"
He has to think of something better so he tells her, "Don't give the hole away, you will never forgive yourself if you come up short, just hit it firm at the back of the hole!" "OK," she says as she takes this advice on board and turns to the third guy who, by this time, is stark naked and in an obvious state of excitement. Elle shrieks "What are you doing?” "Pick it up," he says, "It's a gimme!
A Woman Trying To Play Golf
A woman tries her skill at golf. Her first shot ends up deep in the rough. While searching for the ball, she gets a horrible case of poison ivy. After several weeks of recovery, she gives it another try, and again her first shot ends up in the rough. This time, while looking for the ball, she steps on a sharp, metal object and requires several stitches.
Refusing to give up, she goes back out the next day. Once again, her first shot sails off into the rough. While digging around for her ball, she gets stung by a wasp. Furious, she storms back to the club house, where she vows never to play the game again.
The golf pro, upon hearing her announcement, tries to offer comfort.
"Don't you think you're over-reacting?" he asks.
"Every time I hit the ball, it goes in the rough, and then something terrible happens!" she shouts.
"I'll bet there's something in your technique that I could change with a few suggestions and you'd be fine", he consoles her.
"Oh yeah? Well I just got stung by a wasp! What could you possibly say that could have prevented that?" she asks angrily.
"Where did you get stung?" he inquires.
"Between the first and second holes", she snaps.
"See there", he responds, "Your stance is too wide."
SHADES OF GREEN
There was a foursome of ladies about to play a par three, 165 yards long.
Suddenly, out from the trees beside the fairway .. a streaker ran across the open expanse of the fairway. In a gasp, one lady remarked "I think I know that guy .. isn't that Dick Green?"
"No" replied another, "I think it's a reflection of the grass!"
TWO BLONDES WITH IRISH CADDIES
Two blond golfers in Ireland were on a very foggy par 3. They could see the top of the flag but not the green. Not to worry, their caddies said they will watch, so, off they went. When they reached the green and looked around they found one ball 2 feet from the hole, the other in the hole.
The Caddies asked what ball they were using as they were unsure which one had holed out, both said they were using Top-Flite 2 balls. All decided the only way to find a solution was to talk to the Pro. After hearing the story, seeing the balls, congratulating them for their great shots, he asked the Caddies "OK, now which of them was using the orange ball?".
Two women are playing golf when one of them asks the other, "Do you and your husband have mutual climax?"
The other woman replies, "No, I think we have State Farm."