"I've always made a total effort, even when the odds seemed entirely against me. I never  quit trying; I never felt that I didn't have a chance to win." -Arnold Palmer


 Golf: "A  game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood." -Samuel Johnson


"Golf is like  a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's not fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." -Arnold Daly


 "No matter  what happens- never give up a hole...In tossing in your cards after a bad beginning you also undermine your whole game, because to quit between tee and green is more habit-forming than drinking a highball before breakfast."  -Sam Snead


 "Golf does  strange things to other people, too. It makes liars out of honest men, cheats out of altruists, cowards out of brave men and fools out of everybody." -Milton  Gross


 "Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than nineteen years of dealing with him across the desk." -Grantland Rice


 "The fundamental  problem with golf is that every so often, no matter how lacking you may be  in the essential virtues required of a steady player, the odds are that one day you will hit the ball straight, hard, and out of sight. This is the essential  frustration of this excruciating sport. For when you've done it once, you  make the fundamental error of asking yourself why you can't do this all the time. The answer to this question is simple: the first time was a fluke." -Colin Bowles


 "Talking  to a golf ball won't do you any good. Unless you do it while your opponent  is teeing off." -Bruce Lansky


 "It's still good sportsmanship to not pick up lost balls while they are still rolling."  -Mark Twain


 "The older  you get the stronger the wind gets- and it's always in your face." -Jack Nicklaus


 "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." -Jack Lemmon


"When I'm  on a golf course and it starts to rain and lightning, I hold up my one iron,  'caus I know even God can't hit a one iron." -Lee Trevino


 "I'll always  remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine." -Bruce Lansky


 "As you walk  down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round." -Ben Hogan


 "My best  score ever was 103, but I've only been playing 15 years." -Alex Karris


 "Golf is  the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at." -Dave  Hill


 "Never bet  with anyone you meet on the first tee, who has a deep suntan, a one iron in his bag and squinty eyes." -Dave Marr


 "The golf swing is like sex. You can't be thinking about the mechanics of the act while  you are performing." -Dave Hill


 "Golf is  a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." -Winston Churchill


 "Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club don't you?" -Ben  Hogan


 "You don't  know what pressure is until you've played for five dollars a hole with only two in your pocket."-Lee Trevino


 "Golf is  a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six and write down five." -Paul Harvey


 "A lot of guys who have have never choked, have never been in the position to do so."  -Tom Watson


 "I'm hitting  the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them" -Harry Tofcano


"Golf is a game where guts and blind devotion will always net you absolutely nothing  but an ulcer." -Tommy Bolt


 "Golf is  based on honesty, where else would you admit to a seven on a par three?" -Jimmy Demaret


"It's nice to have the opportunity to play for so much money, but it's nicer to win it."  -Patty Sheenan


 "I play with  friends, but we don't play friendly games." -Ben Hogan


 "Golf is  an ideal diversion, but a ruinous disease." -Bertie Forbes


 "Putts get  real difficult the day they hand out the money." -Lee Trevino


 "There are  no points for style when it comes to putting. It's getting the ball in the  cup that counts." -Brian Swarbrick


"Golf is twenty  percent mechanics and technique. The other eighty percent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness, and conversation."  -Grantland Rice


 "The harder you work, the luckier you get." -Gary Player "Victory is everything. You can spend the money, but you can never spend the memories." -Ken Venturi


 "Golf is  90 percent inspiration and 10 percent perspiration." -Johnny Miller


 "The number one thing about trouble is...don't get into more." -Dave Stockton


 "It's the most fun I've had with my clothes on." -Lee Trevino


 "Mulligan:  invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more twenty yard grounder." -Jim Bishop


 "If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf." -Bob Hope


 "The only shots you can be sure of are those you've had already." -Byron Nelson


"Golf and  sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it." -Jimmy Demaret


 "Most golfers prepare for disaster. A good golfer prepares for success." -Bob Toski


 "You've just  one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it." -Sam Snead


 "The fun  you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don't put into it."  -Bob Allen


 "Golf is  good walk spoiled." -Mark Twain


 "We have  fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs. He(Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot...At least he can't cheat  on his score- because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and  count the wounded." -Bob Hope


 "You can't  lose an old golf ball." -John Willis


 "Indeed,  the highest pleasure of golf may be that on the fairways and far from all the pressures of commerce and rationality, we can feel immortal for a few hours." -Colman McCarthy


 "My game  is so bad I gotta hire three caddies- one to walk the left rough, one for the right, and one for the middle. And the one in the middle doesn't have much to do." -Dave Hill


 "When he  gets the ball into a tough place, that's when he's most relaxed. I think it's because he has so much experience at it." -Don Christopher(Jack Lemmon's Caddie)


 "A professional will tell you the amount of flex you need in the shaft of your club. The more  the flex, the more strength you will need to break the thing over your knees." -Stephen Baker


 "There are  three ways of learning golf: by study, which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which is the most fallacious; and by experience, which is the most bitter." -Robert Browning


 "Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn't float too well." -Craig Stadler


 "Obviously  a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle." -Jackie Gleason


 "I'd like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everybody would have to play from the  rough, not just me." -Seve Ballesteros


 "We speak of eyeball-to-eyeball encounters between men great and small. Even more reaching and revealing of character is the eyeball-to-golfball confrontation, whereby our most secret natures are mercilessly tested by a small, round, whitish  object with no mind or will but with a very definite life of its own, and with whims perverse and beatific." -John Stewart Martin


 "Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition?" -Phil Silvers


 "The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing." -Phyllis Diller


 "I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters." -Bob Hope


 "The person I fear most in the last two rounds is myself." -Tom Watson


" Everybody  has two swings-a beautiful practice swing and the choked-up one with with which they hit the ball. So it wouldn't do either of us a damned bit of good  to look at your practice swing." -Ed Furgol


 "If your  caddie coaches you on the tee, 'Hit it down the left side with a little draw,'  ignore him. All you do on the tee is try not to hit the caddie." -Jim Murray


 "Always throw your clubs ahead of you. That way you don't have to waste energy going back  to pick them up." -Tommy Bolt


 "Always keep  in mind that if God didn't want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn't  come three to a sleeve." -Dan Jenkins


 "I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators." -Gerald Ford


 "Competitive  golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course, the space between your ears." -Bobby Jones


 "Actually,  the only time I ever took out a one iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took  a seven to do that." -Jim Murry


 "The right  way to play golf is to go up and hit the bloody thing." -George Duncan


 "If you pick  up a golfer and hold it close to your ear, like a conch shell, and listen-  you will hear an alibi." -Fred Beck


 "He enjoys  that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf." -P.G. Wodehouse


 "I played like s___." -Greg Norman after the Masters.


 "Every rock'n'roll  band I know, guys with long hair and tattoos, plays golf now." -Alice Cooper, 47.


 "Golf tips  are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle  you will be lucky to survive." -Harvey Penick


"Nobody asked  how you looked, just what you shot." -Sam Snead


 "Happiness  is a long walk with a putter." -Greg Norman


 "You know what they say about big hitters...the woods are full of them." -Jimmy Demaret 


 "Golf is  an easy game...It's just hard to play." -unknown


 "Playing golf is just like going to a strip club. You're all revved up, ready to go. But three hours later, you're depressed, plastered, and most of your balls are missing."  -James Clark


 "..corr blimey  O'Reilly" - Peter Alliss is astounded by a put or shot at the British Open


 "The mind messes up more shots than the body." Tommy Bolt


"In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of self expression. In America we call it golf."- Becker


"Golf is a sport in which the ball lies poorly but the player well" -Unknown


"They say  golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that."  -Gardner Dickinson (ditto)


“Golf is like marbles for adults”- unknown


In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled “Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden”. . . and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.- Not a quote but a word origin from J.Brown..tnx


GOLF SAYINGS



1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by
the occasional miracle.

2. "I wish I could play my normal game...just once."

3. "Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul
balls."

4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even
during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot
rarely make a perfect shot.

6. The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it
again."

7. A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two
golfers...neither of whom can putt very well.

8. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play;
it is always possible to get worse.

9. Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and
shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you
go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

10. I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

11. If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme Putt", you
might wish to reconsider this game.

12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you
can finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've reached it.

13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

14. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't
work... and both are expensive.

15. The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add
correctly.

17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers...
they shoot a "six," yell "fore" and write "five".

18. Swing easy. Hit hard.

19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough
than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your
personality might not be right for golf...it is also just a matter of
time before the IRS investigates your business.

20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?

21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the
ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner
buys the drinks.


from the editors at Links Magazine via Don Chapman...thanks, Don!


"One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well
 is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls
 and kisses them......Oh my God, what have I just said?"
(USTV Commentator)


 

THE REAL, TRUE AND UN-EXAGGERATED RULES OF GOLF
1. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
2. The game of golf is 90 percent mental and 10 percent mental.
3. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
4. When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to  start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
5. Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at all.
6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse. 
7. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
8. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
9. If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
10. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
11. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your errors.
12. If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip.
13. Golfers who say they don’t cheat, also lie.
14. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
15. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
16. It’s surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 10.
17. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
18. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
19. It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.
20. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
21. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
22.You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10 percent of the time and a 2-inch branch 90 percent of the time.
23. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
24. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
25. To calculate the speed of a player’s downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap. (Example: backswing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing 600 mph.)
26. There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands. It’s how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
27. Hazards attract; fairways repel.
28. You can put “draw” on the ball, you can put “fade” on the ball, but no golfer can put “straight” on the ball.
29. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
30. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.
31. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
32. Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw